Last week was International Pronoun Day. It’s always the third Monday in October. Pronouns are important nowadays. You see them on meeting/convention badges. For example, Jane Doe and then underneath she/her. Or in a classroom Jane Doe/ze/hir (pronounced here0or they/them because Jane can refer to herself as plural which is grammatically correct.
The Right Pronouns Are Respectful
By not using the right pronouns, you could be accused of harassment or insensitivity. Without pronouns, it is assumed that you are making an assumption of their appearance or name.
If you ignore the pronouns someone has stated, it could imply that intersex, non-binary and gender non-conforming people don’t exist. Sometimes in a crowd, if you introduce yourself by name and give your pronoun, the person whom you are addressing will follow suit.
However, you can’t presume that everyone wants to share pronouns or multiple pronouns or even certain ones. Especially in the trans community whose gender is perceived to be outside of a man/woman binary or with gender non-conforming individuals. The name or pronouns someone goes by doesn’t necessarily indicate anything about person’s gender or other identities.
The Right Names Are Respectful, Too
I have a male name, Wesley. I was intentionally named after my father John Wesley (the founder of the Methodist Church and along with his brother Charles, wrote many hymns. ) Yet, when I go to a doctor’s office for the first time, the nurse in the waiting room also calls me “Mr. Wesley, the doctor will see you, now.” My husband’s nickname is Sandy, short for Alexander, and he is called “Ms. Sandy.” The nurses apologize profusely, but the assumptions were made.
Similarly, a person who goes by “she “could be both a man and a woman or both. It can be confusing, but honor the pronouns. If you make a mistake with the pronoun, apologize and make a point to get it right the next time.
There are additional sets of pronouns such as neuropronouns that refer to pronoun sets that are developed from the 20th century.
When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know
For more detailed advice, see book, co-authored with a mother of a gay son and a psychiatrist, Jonathan L. Tobkes, M.D.
