National Recovery Month brings awareness of the programs that are available to those with substance abuse disorders, including alcohol use disorders as well as their concerned loved ones. There are programs like Alcoholics Anonymous that are 12-step, SMART RECOVERY, a Self-Management and Recovery Training. and ALANON for families of those afflicted with the disease of addiction. So many choices with meetings on line and in community basements. There are workbooks for dialectical behavior training methods so the addict, along with therapy, will choose to make better choices in his behavior or the CBT (cognitive behavior therapy )that also has been effective in treating mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, PTSD (Post Traumatic Disorder) and borderline personality disorder (BPD). There is a program called CRAFT, Community Reinforcement and Family Training, that teaches parents how to use positive language with their troubled children so that he/she/they see the rewards of being abstinent.
You Can’t FIX Those with Addiction Problems
Whether your loved one goes to an out-of-state rehab that costs a gazillion dollars or pays what he/she/they wish at a local meeting, your hopes and dreams for them may not last. Sad, but true. In fact, most substance abusers relapse within the first three months of sobriety; they are still experiencing cravings for the substance of their choice.
Why? It’s not a moral failure, The brain has been rewired in the prefrontal cortex where judgment takes place, and the basal ganglia, brain structures that help control learning, emotions, and movement. Dopamine, the “feel good” transmitter in your brain, acts as a messenger between the nervous system’s pathways. Drugs such as stimulants (“crystal meth”) and Cocaine create spikes in dopamine, forcing the brain to downregulate and desensitize its receptors to protect itself, allowing spikes way above normal.
It takes a mature person to rebuild their brain and avoid “people, places, and things.” As the parent of a son who started using drugs as a middle schooler, my son spent more years under the influence than in sobriety. He blamed his misjudgment on trauma, adoption, ADD, environment, his sexual orientation, and not being able to earn the respect of those who did not trust him. Sisyphus in Greek mythology pushing the boulder for eternity up the hill.? It does take a lot of strength to stay sober.
However, he did not want to do the work of rebuilding. As a parent, you can be reluctant to give ultimatums, they may result in death. For example, kick them out of the house and have the locks changed, they could freeze to death. You are trying to force someone to change their behavior. Ultimatums are threats. Accountability or a boundary is different. With a boundary, you are managing your own limits. You are taking care of yourself.
Sources: The Gottman Institute: Nicole Labor, M.D., addiction dr. in long-term recovery.
Wesley Cullen Davidson
Wesley Cullen Davidson is an award-winning freelance writer and journalist specializing in parenting. Currently, she is targeting her writing about recovery to parents whose children have substance abuse disorders.