If you are suspicious your child may be gay, do you, as a parent, have the right to ask?
I believe your kid will tell you she is gay when she is ready. You shouldn’t “out” her to others until she wants you to; after all, it’s her story that she may want to hold close to her chest for a while.
You may be dying to have your suspicions confirmed, but it can backfire. You can try to find out by “coming in the back door.” See below.
Do’s and Don’t’s:
· Do elicit comments through discussions about celebrities, for example, like Lady GaGa and her “Born This Way” Foundation.
· Don’t ask point blank “are you gay?” Even though it’s your child, have boundaries of what’s acceptable to ask. You don’t have to know everything.
· Do talk about birth control, safe sex; it’s your parental duty.
· Don’t ask if she last lost her virginity.
· Do get her opinions about same-sex marriage, for example, and give her your positive ones that show you respect diversity. Then she will know that you are not criticizing a minority. If she feels secure, accepted in this environment, she will be more apt to “come out.”
Do you think a parent has the right to know?
Please post a comment here.
When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know
For more detailed advice, see book, co-authored with a mother of a gay son and a psychiatrist, Jonathan L. Tobkes, M.D.